The 7 Stages of Emotional Affairs: From 'Just Friends' to Betrayal
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, the boundaries of personal relationships can sometimes blur, giving rise to a phenomenon known as an emotional affair. This type of affair, distinct from physical infidelity, occurs when someone in a committed relationship forms a deep emotional bond with someone outside their partnership. It’s a space where conversations and feelings are shared in secrecy, often leading to a complex web of emotions and attachments. But what really constitutes an emotional affair, and how does it differ from a close friendship? Is it considered cheating? This article delves into the nuances of emotional affairs, exploring their signs, consequences, and the subtle stages through which they evolve, offering insights for those who might be navigating this challenging terrain.
What is an emotional affair?
An emotional affair, or emotional infidelity, is when a person in a committed relationship is expending more emotional energy and vulnerability with a person outside of the relationship. Maybe there is a friend outside of your romantic relationship that consumes your thinking. You may find yourself anticipating when you might see this person next and consider what you might wear to impress this person. You might have a friend that you share complaints about your relationship with. Maybe there is a person that you flirt with, are sexually attracted to, but have not been intimate with. You may fantasize about this person. You might imagine what a relationship with this person might be like. You engage in conversations and interactions with this person that are kept secret from your committed partner. These are all indicators of emotional infidelity.
Is an emotional affair cheating?
The key to determining if an emotional affair is cheating is if secrecy is present. Inherent in cheating is a breach of trust. If you are turning to someone outside of your committed relationship for emotional support and emotional intimacy behind the back of your partner – you are in an emotional affair. Additionally, the consequences of an emotional affair are just as damaging as a physical affair. The results of betrayal, whether emotional or physical, are catastrophic for the betrayed partner. Further, an emotional affair is a slippery slope that often turns into a physical affair.
The 7 stages of an Emotional Affair
To truly grasp the essence of an emotional affair, it’s important to chart its evolution. Emotional affairs unfold in a series of distinct stages, starting off as seemingly harmless interactions and gradually evolving into deeper emotional connections. This progression is subtle yet significant, often catching individuals off guard as they find themselves entangled in feelings they didn't anticipate. Let's take a closer look at these seven critical stages, which paint a vivid picture of how emotional affairs develop and the impact they can have on your primary relationship.
1. We are “just friends”
The first stage of an emotional affair is having a friend, either in-person or virtual, that is fun to talk to, makes you feel good, has similar interests, or just seems to “get” you. Maybe it is an old friend, an old flame, or someone brand new. You enjoy their company, your text conversations, or just sharing fun memes.
2. More than friends
The second stage of an emotional affair is when that friend seems to occupy more and more of your thoughts. You look forward to your conversations. The relationship becomes more of a secret from your committed partner. You are excited about your next interaction. An emotional connection starts to grow and you feel drawn to that person.
3. Space to complain
The third stage of an emotional affair is when the relationship becomes the space to complain about your committed partner. This person really seems to understand your difficulties and is “there” for you. You even start to compare this person’s positive qualities to the negative qualities of your committed partner.
4. Physical attraction
The fourth stage of an emotional affair is when you become physically attracted to your friend. You flirt a bit more. You fantasize about what it would be like to kiss or to be physical with this person. You start dressing in a way that you think the other person might like. You might get each other little gifts.
5. Turning away from your committed partner
The fifth stage of an emotional affair is when you start turning away from your committed partner and turning towards your friend. Instead of going to your committed partner for emotional support or encouragement, you go to the other person. You consider the other person when making a decision rather than your committed partner.
6. Discontent
The sixth stage of an emotional affair is experiencing discontent in your committed relationship. Much of what your partner does is experienced in a negative light. You emphasize what your committed relationship lacks and fantasize about how great it would be to be in a relationship with the other person.
7. When emotional turns physical
The seventh stage of an emotional affair is when the emotional affair turns into a physical affair. As was mentioned, an emotional affair is a slippery slope. At this stage, what was emotional connection has escalated and turns physical. At this stage you will likely experience the despair that comes with knowing that a line has been crossed; when in actuality, the line was crossed long much earlier.
Emotional affair recovery
There is help available. Whether you are in the early stages of realizing you or your committed partner are in a relationship that is more than “just friends,” or you or your partner are already emotionally or physically involved with someone outside of the committed relationship. There is recovery available for you individually or as a couple. Feelings of betrayal are devastating. As therapists and professional counselors we are here to walk alongside you and serve as a guide toward hope and healing from emotional affairs.
Embarking on a therapeutic journey can be transformative, offering insights, growth, and healing. We at Aspen Grove Counseling and Wellness are here to support you every step of the way. If you have more questions or are ready to take the next step, please reach out. Your journey, your pace. We're here for you.
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